new start including my new craft!

Ok so new start to this blog! I have been neglecting u all recently! I have found a new passion - papercutting! omg! this originally was a craft I wanted to learn as I usually use razor blades in a socially unacceptable way of coping (more on this another time). I wanted a way of turning unhealthy ways of acting into more positive ways of using the same tools! Sooooo I found papercutting! and im hooked! I found a fantastic artist called PAPERPANDA - pls go facebook/twitter/etsy check her! shes awesome! and very very kind! she sells papercutting kits so as to teach people how to papercut! she includes with her kit a private group where others can help you to find resources, set up ur own business and learn how to design etc! HOWEVER!!! theres a spin off group and I have found some awesome friends in this group! I have never really had proper friends and for the first time in my 29years- yes I am still 29, I feel like I CAN trust people and the not all people will hurt you!

Papercutting is using a scalpel or knife to cut patterns in paper. Some clever people use computer programs to draw but I like drawing by hand best! I am going to include some pix of some of my designs- however none of them are backed and some unfinished!

 heart of flowers

 hidden skull

 heart of hearts

 

my unfinished house! this needs work

 



Anyway, I have also made some big changes and steps recently. I have changed counsellors and been with the new ones, hmmm, almost 6months! I see them fortnightly and I see two counsellors at the same time! and its specific counselling! Its at - yes I can finally say it - A Rape Crisis and Sexual Abuse Centre! wow that was hard!

I went along tonight knowing it was going to be a hard session and I finally talked about some of the traumatic events that happened to me from the age of 11 until I was almost 16. It was one of the worst times of my life and built the foundations of how my mental health is now, sadly. I have made a really good friend - Kerri and she has helped me thru some horrible times especially around my counselling! And Kerri if you read this - Thank You! I could thank so many of the panda cubs/pandettes/pandas for their support and love and especially hugs thru bad times! Needless to say I haven't selfharmed now for approximately 2months possibly longer! I still have my 'battle scars' and I am under no illusion that there won't be more to add!

Artwise I have had a large commission piece which im struggling with - bigtime as I have been hitting some low periods recently and also my physical health is really bad at the moment! Ive recently been diagnosed with arthritis in my left knee as well as the right now! I am not sure which is worse but knowing the five surgeries I have had on my right knee and the one surgery on my back I am not keen on the prognosis of the left knee! The orthopaedic surgeon said in his letter that he didn't want to operate to save my knee joint as my previous history suggests its prolonging the enevitable that knee replacement surgery is the only way to go! The gynaecologist is my next port of call due to my endometrosis being back with avengence! I only hope that not too much damage has been done and I am still fertile! I don't know how I would react at being told Im infertile as my only wish in life is to have a child/children!

Anyway its incredibly late and I haven't covered anything I wanted to! but I will - give me time!

Lots of love n pandahugs!

Lou xxx