Currently I feel terrible and lack of sleep plays a big part of that. Have needed to speak to Lisa twice on the phoneline for support tonight. After 8 weeks without selfharm I gave in to 'temptation'. I use the word loosely as its a hard concept to grasp. I am writing this post at 6.10am without a wink of sleep and with painkillers on board, hence parts of it making little or no sense!
I have been struggling on and off recently with my depressive side of my personality, and more recently the pain I have been going thru; physically. Back pain must be one of the worst pain a body can go through. I have slipped a disc in my back and to this day I am still completely unsure on how I did it, although weight issues certainly don't help. Its hard to see a future when you live your life battling for not just sanity but physical control over pain. Most days I feel like screaming 'Why me?' and most days I probably do. I certainly make the girls on the helpline work hard!
Earlier this evening I finished a project I was working on. I painted a white on black and a Black on white pattern using acrylic paints. I love working in this style of painting althou' using a pen with ink is much more intricate which I pefer!
One of my family members has a friend who was told she would probably have severe back problems for the rest of her life. But she is recently doing better because doctors have come up with something new. There must be hope out there.
ReplyDeleteI believe that current thinking is either that cutting releases endorphins or that focusing on physical pain reduces psychological pain.